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I’m going to cut to the chase. My favorite wrestling promotion is the WWE. Has it had the best track record of *insert anything I care about in professional wrestling here*? No, not even close. It just happens that they’ve featured they things I enjoy in greater quantity than anyone else, often at higher-quality . . . having Jim Ross on commentary definitely helped.
Is it hard to watch WWE TV? Absolutely, especially when they insist on calling SmackDown “SmackDown LIVE” every time, when the only people that care about it being live are the people that already know it’s being shown live now. Are there WWE performers that I would rather turn off my TV than watch? Absolutely, I missed 45 minutes of this week’s SmackDown because I turned off my TV instead of watching a second more of The Miz, because I was afraid he would open his mouth or, worse, get into the ring. Do I think it’s boring as hell to have everyone come out and cut promos in the ring instead of doing them backstage with an announcer? Absolutely, it looks like a goddamned cartoon when everyone and there mother comes out, music playing, has a microphone, and talks . . . in their wrestling gear . . . and doesn’t wrestle . . . in the wrestling ring. Once a night is fine, but every other segment is ludicrous, especially when half the roster can’t talk for shit and should be doing taped promos backstage. Can I tell you what’s going to happen next in at least 50% of the tag team matches on WWE TV? Yeah, because the majority of the tag matches have been the exact same shit for the past 18+ years. Ambrose/Ziggler vs The Wyatt Family on SmackDown this week was garbage, because it was the same old shit.
But for every minute of absolutely shitty commentary, there has been just as much good commentary. For every Miz, Brock Lesnar, and Sable there’s been a Chris Jericho, Shelton Benjamin, and Nattie Neidhart. For every cookie-cutter tag team match there’s been an excellent one. For every shitty in-ring promo that goes too long there’s been a well done promo either in the ring or backstage . . . well, that’s definitely not true, but it’s going to help me sleep better tonight. And for every punch and kick a supermodel has thrown that missed completely and got sold anyway, there’s been an opportunity to go piss and think about how sad that is.
Actually, all of that’s just a joke. The WWE is my favorite because I lost a bet when they actually found something for Chuck Palumbo that I genuinely enjoyed (before they ruined it).
That’s a joke too. It’s because they employed Scotty 2 Hotty for so long.
That is serious, Scotty is in my Top 10 favorite wrestlers. I swear.